A word first: Totem customs differ between clans and families. This guide gives the common pattern. Your own elders have the final word.
What a totem is
In Shona a totem is a mutupo. It is the identity of your clan, passed down from your father, and it is usually an animal or a part of the body: Shumba the lion, Soko the monkey, Moyo the heart, Nzou the elephant, Mhofu the eland, Mbizi the zebra, Nyati the buffalo, Shiri the bird.
Each mutupo has a chidawo, a praise name that says which branch of the clan you come from. Two people can both be Moyo and still come from different branches, such as Moyo Chirandu. Two people can both be Soko, and one may be Soko Murehwa.
Among the Ndebele the clan name is the isibongo, and it is also the surname: Ndlovu the elephant, Ncube the monkey, Sibanda the lion, Dube the zebra, Nyathi the buffalo, Mpofu the eland, Nyoni the bird, Ngwenya the crocodile, Khumalo and many more. Each has its own praises.
The same totem often appears in both languages. Many families treat Soko and Ncube as one totem, and the same goes for Shumba and Sibanda, Nzou and Ndlovu, Mbizi and Dube.
What it means day to day
- People who share your totem are your relatives, even if you have never met.
- You thank and greet people by their totem. "Maita Shumba" is warmer than a plain thank you.
- You do not eat the animal that is your totem.
Sharing a totem with someone you like
Because people of one totem are counted as family, most families will not accept a marriage between them. Traditionally they should not date either. When her family hears his totem at the lobola talks and it matches hers, the talks can stop there.
The totem question is easy to ask in the first week. It is very hard to hear after a year.
There is some room, and it depends on the family:
- Same mutupo, different chidawo. Some families accept this, because the two branches separated long ago. Others do not.
- Cutting the kinship. Some families speak of a ceremony, kucheka ukama, that ends the kinship so that two people may marry. It is rare, and not every family accepts it.
- Your mother's side. Some families also look at your mother's totem. Ask.
When to ask
Early. It is a normal question in Zimbabwe and nobody will find it strange.
- In Shona: "Mutupo wako ndeupi?"
- In isiNdebele: "Isibongo sakho ngubani?"
Ask for the chidawo as well as the mutupo, and tell them yours. On Murudo you can put it on your profile by answering the prompt "My totem is…", so people know before they say hello.
If you found out late
Do not panic and do not hide it. Speak to an elder you trust on each side, an aunt or an uncle, and ask how your family sees it. Families differ a great deal. Some will say no. Some will ask about the chidawo. Some will say that it no longer matters to them.
You are both adults and the choice is yours. But lobola needs two families to agree, so it is better to know where they stand before you plan a wedding.
Does it still matter?
For many people, yes, above all when it comes to marriage. In the cities and in the diaspora some couples care less, and some people feel that faith matters more than a totem. For Zimbabweans living abroad, a totem is often a strong tie to home.
However you feel about it, the person you are dating may feel differently, and so may their parents. Ask early.
Common questions
Can two people with the same totem marry?
Traditionally no. People who share a totem are counted as relatives, and most families will not accept the marriage. Some families make room when the chidawo is different, so ask your elders.
What is the difference between mutupo and chidawo?
Mutupo is the totem of the clan, such as Moyo or Soko. Chidawo is the praise name that says which branch of the clan you belong to, such as Moyo Chirandu.
Do Ndebele people have totems?
Yes. The clan name is the isibongo, which is also the surname, such as Ndlovu, Ncube, Sibanda or Dube, and each has its own praises.
When should I ask someone their totem?
Early, in the first conversations. It is a normal question in Zimbabwe, and it is far easier to ask before feelings grow.
Does Murudo show totems?
Members can answer the prompt "My totem is…" on their profile, so you can see it before you match.